I. Am. Not. A. Fish.

They say there are other fish in the sea. Irina Dunn said "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". I am not a fish. What is with all the fish talk people?? Do you know what happens to fish when they get caught? THEY DIE! They are gutted, thrown on a bed of crushed ice, and displayed until some one decides to eat them, digest them, and ultimately all fish get flushed! Why? Why? WHY?? Does everyone think it best to compare single women to fish?



Aside from the obvious issue of fish dying, ending up either someone's pet or someone's dinner, they're not the best looking creature in the world. True some of them are beautiful. But it is my experience that fish are not overly attractive. They're scaly, bug-eyed, and COLD. Do people really think it wise to compare a woman who, at least in my case, has fairly low self-esteem when it comes to men anyway, to these?:
G
R
O
S
S
!
!
!

Sunday night a friend of my parents came to our house. He's my friend too. In fact he's in my cell phone as an emergency contact. He has always been one of my very favorite people. However he apparently lost the ability to shut up. For some reason it's important to him that I find myself a husband. As it's important for most older people in my church for the young people to get hitched. Never mind that I'm 23, just back to college, and can barely handle myself, I should pull some poor man into the mess with me. It's purely societal I know. Some places tell girls to wait, some places marry them off young. My place happens to be the latter. I have comes to terms with that fact mostly. I realize that I always have to face the majority of people in my life and tell them why I'm 23 and unwed. They don't understand that it's a choice. I get the feeling that they think there is something wrong with me. I work hard to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with me. When I'm ready, when I'm healed, when I'm stable again, I will find someone wonderful. Until then, focus on getting ready, getting healed, and finding stability.


Then all the fish talk happens. It's not enough that I had my heart fairly broken. There are other FISH in the sea after all. So am I the fish? Or the fisherman? Are we all fish? What the hell are you talking about? Somehow Sunday's analogy wound around to me being the fish, and the poor boys out there being the fisherman. If the fisherman walks by a pond and there doesn't appear to be any fish he's not going to cast the line. Ah HAH! So there is something wrong with me, I'm not putting myself out there enough! Because I don't find it necessary to go to the extracurricular church activities. They do nothing for my spirituality and if I go for the soul fact of getting myself in the pond and being social I end up belly up in the background. Pleasant.

So by the time "Mr. I dont know when enough is enough" was finished I was crying and lucky him, he could just get in the car and leave.

So let's see here, we've been compared to cows and fish, what other unflattering animals can we think of to boost women's egos? Spiders? Hairless cats? Hyenas?

Thanks

Just wanted to apologize for the sob fest that was yesterday. It really wasn't all that bad, seeing the family just always drives home the fact that I don't quite belong. That I've found myself in some sort of contest and I'm losing. So thanks for your kind words and support and I'll get the fish story up soon.

The Sucky Suckness of all that which does SUCK!!!

So as you might have guessed, things suck right now.

I've been trying to avoid being overly negative on the ol' blog-o-rama because I figure nobody really cares. Not that nobody cares because I know my friends and family want me to be happy and blah, but I don't really even want to think about my life sucking so why should anyone else? Get my point?

Anyway, as you all know I got to go visit the extended family last weekend. Saturday there was driving, in a car where there was silence, except for the book on tape. And not the pleasant silence of people who like each other and don't need to talk to be in each others company. Nosirree Bob, the heavy silence that leaves the poor girl in the backseat on edge staring from mother to father in abject horror because they're pissed at each other. Not just Mom pissed at Dad. Dad's pissed too. This NEVER happens. Six hours of "I can not talk to you just as much as you can not talk to me, so there :P". Greeeeeeeat.

Then there is of course the heading to the grandma's house. As if she wasn't bad enough, somebody decided to give her a cane. Brilliant... She had her hip replaced, she's fine. Doing really REALLY well actually. Too well. She was hoping for another couple weeks of everyone falling all over themselves to do her bidding and now nobody will. Poor baby. So she keeps her cane around so strangers pity her because nobody else will.

After the visit with Grandma we went to my Uncle Mark's frozen waste land of a house to unload and change and pack and stuff before the play. Little Women the musical. Good times. High point of the evening, Fredrico's Pizza and garlic bread. The only reason I go to Logan anymore. So we eat. I field questions about my personal life. No, I'm not still at the bank. No, I'm not seeing anyone. I'm back in school, communications major, No, I don't know what I'm going to do with that. Yeah, yeah, you're kids are adorable.... whatever.

Play time. It was good. Not fabulous, but good. Basically I sat in the car in the awkward silence for a total of 12 hours to hear my Uncle Scott sing 2 songs. One of which he was completely overpowered by her majesty The Soprano! and the over was a reprise and lasted about 20 seconds. But made me cry like a little baby. *Sniffle* Play ended, we went and gave Uncle Scott big hugs for his 5.7 minutes of fame and headed home. Grandma of course leaning heavily on her cane, and grandpa until I showed up and Grandpa handed her off to me and made a run for it. I can't blame him. He has to put up with her everyday. So I helped her the rest of the way out the door, Grandpa brought the car around and Grandma clung for dear life to my arm because I was "Walking too fast" or "Not minding the ice" She is after all just a feeble old lady ya know.

Back at Uncle Mark's house we sat in the kitchen and talked til 1:30 in the morning. Well they talked. I sat there trying to share an opinion and they all ignored me as usual because I'm just a little girl and don't know what I'm talking about. Went to bed. Woke up in a strange bed in a strange room in a cold house and panicked for a second in the middle of the night because I couldn't get out of bed. At home I roll out of bed on the left. At Uncle Mark's the bed is up against a wall on the left so I was trapped. Scary. Woke up, went to church with Grandpa, (Grandma isn't near well enough for church yet...uh huh). Went to go visit Granny at the nursing home. Have I mentioned that I'm terrified of old people? And hospitals, which comes into play later. Anyway, went to the nursing home. Visited Granny. Complimented her on her GINORMOUS YARN DOILIES! Got in the car and headed home.

....

HAHA gotcha. Headed home? No no, that would have been far too easy. Nope we stopped off at Primary Children's Hospital first because my mom is the Relief Society President (in charge lady) and her Bishop's son was having surgery. They were removing his spleen. He's 2. It's really sad. As I mentioned I'm scared of hospitals. I don't know what it is about them, well actually I do know what it is about them. I know exactly but I'm not going to get into that. Anyway, we went to visit and I stayed on the first floor and read my book and tried to avoid eye contact with anyone. Having not eaten all day I raided the gift shop for candy bars which caused my blood sugar to sky rocket and then plummet about an hour later. So much more suckiness in that little event, but this post is already plenty long. Another few hours of car silence and then we really were home. Except for the stop at McGrath's Fish House where I got the Seafood Alredo, with raw scallops. No, I didn't order them raw. The cook just decided I needed a little food poisoning to top off my weekend. Thank you very little.

The suckness continues. In fact yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in MONTHS as far as the depression goes. I locked myself in my bathroom and cried for awhile before my dad finally came and gave me hugs. That however will have to wait til tomorrow (maybe) because it's still too fresh and I'm still too pissed. I'll just say, I'm not a fish, and I don't appreciate the analogy.

Today's thing I learned: Immersing yourself in school and work when things suck is a very nice escape.

Now I'm off to home, where the sucking happens.

Listy Listness

Have you ever:

Eaten something you thought was going to be great only to find out it was terrible then not had anywhere to spit it out?

Eaten something you thought was going to be terrible only to find out it was great then crave it?

Realized your teacher was giving you the same lecture he gave last week and wondered if he really is or if that was a parallel universe because it doesn't seem to be bothering anyone else?

Gone to the store to get a new blow dryer because the other one 'SPLODED!! and come out of the store with 20 bucks worth of junk food and no blow dryer?

Received a movie in the mail (Sons of Provo, if you're mormon, have been a mormon, or know any mormon's you'll laugh out loud) from DeeVeeDees.com that you didn't order? It's not Christmas, it's not my birthday, but apparently someone likes me. So uhm, thanks great cosmic gift giverer...

Dreamed that the doorbell was ringing and got out of bed to answer the door at 6:00 in the morning?

Had a dream that you were going to marry Fred Savage?

I HAVE!

Do you get:

The overwhelming urge to smack the kid sitting behind you because he's breathing to loud?

Confused at non meat products that are named after meats? For instance Meatless Meatballs....Then they wouldn't be meatballs would they? They'd just be balls.

Addicted to things easily? Like TV shows, certain foods, and people.

Really sad when something you cook ends up sucking?

Annoyed when people correct you?

Stubborn about stupid things that will more likely damage a friendship than prove your rightness and therefore your coolness?

I DO!

Will you ever:

Hold a Moth, grasshopper, or beatle?

Sleep with the door open?

Enjoy waking up in the hairy ass crack of dawn?

Eat Oysters?

Stop holding grudges?

Be able to sleep without a snuggle?

Watch reality TV?

Be able to trust after being hurt?

I WON'T!

Do you:

Love to cook?

Love to eat? (but strangely don't enjoy what you cook)

Still dream about ex boyfriends even though they suck?

Get panicky when you wake up somewhere other than your bed?

Feel like you don't belong more often than not?

Want to get plastic surgery to fix your chinlessness because everytime you see a picture of yourself you cringe?

Hate people to touch your feet?

Feel like this couldn't possibly be the life you were meant for?

I DO!!

And there ya have it. Sometime this week I'll have to tell you guys about the trip to see the grandparents... it was sucktastic.

Ugh....

I've been doing ACTUAL WORK all morning (gasp) and I need a moment to myself.

Remember that time when Boo, Kodi, Kiri and I all went to Vegas to meet Patrice, Sean, Trent, and Bella and I never blogged about it? Me too!! So here goes. A quickie since ya'll have already read up on the details. (Anybody else notice that I've been saying ya'll a lot lately?)

Driving with Boo is always freakin hilarious. She sings at other drivers, cusses up a storm, gets relatively lost relatively often, and always comes up with the best car games. My favorite this trip was one where you say an actor's name then the next person has to either say an actor with the same first or last name or a movie that actor's in, then the next person has to say an actor with the same first or last name or a movie they're in or another actor in the same movie. It's fun, and I WON! I never win Becky games, it was great.

Upon reaching Vegas I got to be the one to call and check in with Patrice. Lucky me. Everyone had been a little anxious, including me, but after that 30 seconds on the phone I was at ease. I hung up and just said Aw, she's so nice! Then I got very excited for lunch. Which was good. Deep fried pickles ya'll, damn. I'm going to make them. SOON. Sweet Apple Iced tea, very yummy, but the apple garnish was so sour it made my eyes water, and a Pork Caesar Salad. Which was nothing like what I expected it to be, but OK.

Lunch was so chillaxed. It was nice to just hang out and eat. Our waitress bugged me for some reason, perhaps because of the rampant mamming, honeying, and sweethearting. Just trying to be nice blah blah whatever, it gets old. I couldn't wrap my head around all the conversation. I'm kind of an observer by nature anyway, I'd rather just sick back and take it all in. Becky and Patrice just acted like old friends who hadn't seen each other since High School. Sean was such a nice attentive daddy/husband/person. Trent was a total doll, every time I opened his mouth I thought "wait wait, how old are you again?" and Bella was freakin adorable! She was like bottled cuteness.

None of us were exactly ready to part ways but none of us really knew what to do in Vegas for a couple hours before the Utahns had to head home so, since none of you have read anybody else's retelling I'll tell you. We went back to the Paris and wandered for a bit. A big bronze man statue of Captain Morgan scared the crap out of me and Kiri. We found the East siders and wandered some more then Boo, Patrice, and Kodi gambled while Trent, Bella, Kiri, Sean and I went a lookin. I think we circled the entire building twice. Me holding a sleepy Bella who was all snuggly and SO GOOD. Not once did she get fussy or annoyed. Well she was probably really annoyed, just being polite. We went to the Queen store. Have I mentioned that I really like Queen, and David Bowie, and etc... Anyway I also have an obsession with crowns and other royal parafanalia (blog spell checker doesn't know how to spell that either) and everything was 50% off. Oh my credit card started humming the minute I walked in the door. Luckily I made it out relatively debt free with an awesome pink hat and ya know, my dignity and whatever.

Sadly we soon parted ways. With nothing but our memories, a pink hat, 100 extra smackers, and a new love for deep fried pickles. Anyways, to the Patrice Clan, you guys are the coolest.

Today's thing I learned: Blogger spellcheck doesn't know how to spell Blogged, or blog, or spellcheck.... hehe.

Chicken Marsala

For dinner tonight I tried my hand at Chicken Marsala. An interesting choice since I had never even tasted it and had no idea what I was going for, it was my parents request. It was pretty darn tasty if I do say so myself. I had to buy a 1/2 gallon bottle of Marsala wine because that's the only size our liquor store carries so I'll have to make this again. Plus it tasted good. I got the recipe here and, as is my habit tweaked it. Here's the revised ingredients list with my tweakings:


4 small boneless skinless chicken breast halves (1 lb.) (I didn't do this but I suggest you do, pound the chicken a little to thin it out, you could also cut them in half again)
1 Tbsp. oil
1-1/2 cups sliced mushrooms
1 medium onion, chopped
2 clove garlic, minced
3/4 cup dry Marsala wine (mom and dad both said it still could have used more)
2/3 cup chicken broth
1 Tbsp. cornstarch (The sauce was a little thin, just add more til it reaches the consistency you like.
1/2 tsp. salt
2 cups MINUTE White Rice, uncooked (I just used Uncle Ben's boil in bag)
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley (which I forgot but suggest.)
Mom and Dad both found it necessary to add pepper to their helping of chicken (ouch my cook's pride) but I thought it was great the way it was.

It was really good. I don't know how it was compared to chicken marsala from anywhere else cuz like I said I've never had it anywhere else. But definitely really yummy. I served it with a green salad with red grapes and parmesan and Kraft Caesar vinaigerette dressing, and garlic bread. Which I stuck in the broiler and promptly forgot about, succeeding in burning three pieces to a crisp and actually setting the fourth one on fire. Not having a good cook day. I also tried zabaglione for dessert with fresh raspberries but the eggs scrambled instead of custarding and I ended up throwing it out and we just had whipped cream (that wouldn't whip) and raspberries. The meal was pretty good even with the set backs.

Tiramisu Cheesecake Parfait...

...Thingie...

Sooo, ya'll saw the picture already and I wasn't 100% impressed but the Boo liked it and my mom liked it even if it was "heavy", hence the cheesecake, and I layered it in a pretty bowl instead of in a pan, hence the parfait. It was helluh easy, and pretty good, though next time I try Tiramisu I'll do the more traditional version. Here's the recipe just in case you're interested:

1 1/2 cups hot water
3 1/2 tsps instant coffee powder (I used decaf)
1/2 cup marscapone cheese (I know, only half a cup? Next time I'll use the whole tub)
1 (8 ounce) pkg cream cheese, softened (The recipe I tweaked called for fat-free but I never bother with the stuff.)
2 tbsp darkbrown sugar
1 cup white sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 pkgs lady fingers (or an angel food cake cut up in chunks, but I suggest lady fingers or savoiardi)
2 tsps cocoa powder

1) Dissolve instant coffee in hot water. Chill in refrigerator.
2) Combine mascarpone and cream cheese in mising bowl. Beat until smooth. Add 2 tbsps coffee, dark brown sugat, white sugar, and vanilla. Mix well. Set aside.
3) Pour cold coffee into shallow 9x13 inch pan (Add a couple tablespoons of rum cuz that would be yummy). Quickly dip one side of lady fingers into coffee and layer in medium glass serving bowl. Spread half of cheese mixture on top. Sprinkle with half the cocoa powder. Repeat. (I threw in a few more lady fingers because I like them and I had extra coffee) Sprinkle with remaining cocoa. Cover and chill for at least three hours before serving.

This recipe was good, but if you're thinking "Hey I want some Tiramisu", it's probably not what you're looking for. If you're thinking "I want some fast and easy and semi impressive" then sure try it out.

Ya know it's my birthday two months from today....

If you loved me you'd get me a real digital camera...

Hehehehe. In all reality I think I'm going to use some tax return moolah and get myself a nice digital camera. In the meantime here is a fuzzy strangely colored picture of my latest creation. Tiramisu. A recipe which after doing some research I came up with. Ok, not entirely true, I just tweaked the hell out of an existing recipe, whatever don't steal my thunder. Anyhoo. I'll post the recipe later, after I eat it and know it doesn't suck :)

The Boys are Back in Town

I went back to school this week. Hooray! I was getting really bored. But now schools in again and all is well with the world, except for the fact that I'm going to be reading for the rest of my life. Here's a quickie:

First things first, Monday Wednesday Friday at 9:00 I have Intro to Criminal Justice. My teacher was a cop in the LA area for like 20 billion years and has lots of war stories and is a hard ass. I have no idea whether I'll like that class or not. He made a big point of the fact that he starts class PROMPTLY and that we are expected to be prepared for class PROMPTLY. OK, I understand that in the big bad real world you have to be on time for things and there's rules and blah blah blah, but here's a little somethin about me. My first class of the day could be at 3 and I'd still be late. I could wake up at 6 o'clock and get ready and be sitting outside the door waiting for class to start and at 8:59 I'd have to get up and pee or something. It's like anti genetic, my parents are both freaks about being on time for things so I'm the exact opposite. On time is not in my vocabulary. Maybe I'll have to ask my buddies at work to wind his clock back a few minutes :).

Then I go to work for a couple hours where I work work, file file, balance balance. Unfortunately I don't blog, I am actually TOO BUSY. That's right folks, I actually work at work now. Oh and shop, because I got my boss hooked on silverjewleryclub.com too and yeah it's really that cheap. I got my first shipment today and I love my earrings and the ring I bought is really pretty but too big for any of my fat little fingers. A strange occurence indeed.

After work I haul ass to my Public Relations class. I don't know why I insist on hauling ass to PR. My teacher certainly doesn't haul anything. Where my CJ teacher is Mr. Prompt my PR teacher is Mr. Laidback. He's from Saaaaaoooouth ya seeee, and things are slowwwwer in the Saaaaooooouth. So he's habitually 7 minutes late for class every day the proceeds to hold us over 10 minutes to get through all the course material. He gave us our first homework assignment yesterday and said "Don' aaaaaask me whuddI wont, juuust gimme whuddI wont." Uhm K... He's a pretty nice guy though, if a little full of himself.

Then it's back to work and then home where I read. Because my teachers don't lecture on what's on the test, the stuff in the book is what's on the test and why should they waste their time talking about what's gonna be on the test when we can just read it.. Uhm K...

Tuesday and Thursday I have Business in Society which is turning out to be my fave class. The teacher is funny and smart and asks good questions and keeps things interesting. And I feel like I know what I'm talking about in that class. The kid that sits next to me is gonna get smacked though. He's a fidgetter. Today he tapped his pencil on the desk for an hour and a half. He's lucky that pencil didn't end up down his throat. We may have to have words. I realize that it may not be appropriate in society to snatch some kids pencil out of his hands and throw it across the room. People may think you're crazy. "What's with the chick that always wears the sweaters and her anger issues?" Well ppllllffffbbbtt, "What's with the crazy kid in the front row that wears too much jewelry and the incessant pencil tapping?" Huh?? WHAT ABOUT HIM??

After business it's the class that I thought I'd love, but don't. I like it, but I can't say I love it. Intro to imaginative literature, sounds fun right? I get to read Fantasy Lit for credit. Some of it I'm sure I'll like more than others. However, we don't get participation points, we get skill points. Like Dungeons and Dragons. Uhm...K. I am by far in the minority of the class since I don't think that I was a sorceress in another life, I don't recall ever doing battle with a dragon, and I can't recite the entire House of Elderon from memory. And I am only exaggerating a teeny tiny bit. The one girl in that class I thought I managed to befriend because she didn't appear to crazy, just informed me that she remembered me from one of her past lives and that she just knew we were going to be best friends. Of course in this past life we were Celtic warriors and I was the most vicious of us all and I was covered in tattooes from head to toe. One good thing though, we walked past Rob today on our way out of class and she's convinced he's not from this world. Don't get me wrong I definitely believe in the mystical on some level and who knows she could be right. Maybe I did slaughter more men with my big burly axe than anyone else on the battlefield...somehow I think not.

Anyway, this semester should at the very least prove to be interesting blog fodder.

Today's thing I learned: Rob's an alien. I always kinda had a feeling...

Counter Bitching

K so this is my third post in 24 hours. I spend WAY too much time on the internet. Oh well. I thought to get away from the general crapiness that was yesterday's later post I would do a list of my favorite things and the things that make me happy, etc...

1. The color red. Red is my friend.
2. Pretty new jewelry to make myself my feel better (like the garnet ring I just bought myself to match the earrings I bought yesterday)
3. Chai Tea. Cuz it's warm and yummy and you can't stay grumpy when you're sipping it.
4. My Burt's Bees zit stick. Cuz yesterday I had a HUGEMONGOUS zit, and today I have a medium zit, and maybe tomorrow it'll be gone.
5. My new hair color. And the cool flippy thing my hair is doing today. If it weren't for the big ol' zit I'd totally take a picture for you guys.
6. Peanut M&M's
7. My new job.
8. My new purple bathroom. Even if the edges are kinda crappy, I did it myself and I'm very proud.
9. Mary Engelbreit
10. Reading recipes and finding something I wanna try and then trying it and having it be really good.
11. My camera phone.
12. Puppies, when I get a puppy I'm gonna name her Trixie and I want her to be one of these or one of these.
13. My new leather coat.
14. Frog stuff
15. Blogging

There ya go, I feel better now. :)

What is WRONG with me?

Time for a rehash... If you haven't read this, you might want to so you can keep up. For those of you (my sweet sisters) who are so tired of this they want to rip their eyes out to keep from reading yet another entry about the rat bastard...well, stop reading.

Ean, the rat-bastards name is Ean, and since I first saw him in the 7th grade I was crazy about him. Really crazy, like not in the good warm fuzzies cherubs crazy, like we would break up and one of us would eventually go running back to the other "because we loved each other" when really it was because he was safe, and we were never good for each other. I was always trying to make him something he could never be and he always wanted me to be someone I wasn't.

It's been over a year! It all hit the fan in August of 2004, they got married in October 2004, she had her baby (not his) in March 2005. And up until about 20 minutes ago I was absolutely fine. Then my friend Crys gave me the link to her Christmas pictures. Hi Crys, 15 out of 17 were great. However lucky number 13 and 14, SUCKED ROTTEN DONKEY ASS! There I was cruising along checking out pictures of her fam and BOOM out of nowhere I am face to face with the rat bastard himself. And not just the rat bastard. The whole rat bastard family. Evil hoe beast and the poor unfortunate child that gets to call her mommy were there too. Then I got sad. Not debiltating stay in bed for a week sad, but there were tears.

I mean it's bad enough I saw them on Christmas Eve in all their domestic holiday bliss, just throw in the family Christmas pic for fun. I swear it's not that I want to be the girl on his arm holding the baby. I don't want that with him. I just want it, and it's not fair that they have it and I don't. And it's also not fair that it still matters. He hurt my feelings, more than that he broke my heart and didn't even have the decency to let me in on it, so why do I still care anything about him? AT ALL? Tell me oh great cosmic void!! Ya know what Mr. Void, never mind, I know why, it's because we're all just ants under a magnifying glass to you and you like to make us feel like we're safe and healthy one minute then put the heat back on to hear us scream. Sicko.

Today's thing I learned: Oh I wish I would have learned something from this little episode... Any thoughts?

Look what I got!!

For myself...foooooor VALENTINES DAY!! Yeah that's it. Aren't they purty?? So here's what you do, go here and wait. Every fifteen minutes they have a new piece of jewelry up. Sometime's it's ugly jewelry, sometimes it's pretty jewelry It's always sterling silver, my fave. Today I got lucky and scored some pretty jewelry. So what's the big deal you ask? It's FREE well, except for S&H which is like 6 bucks. I'm excited. It's addictive. I'll let you know in a week or two about the catch, cuz yeah, there probably is one. But maybe not. It might just be cool. THANKS NATE!

Today's thing I learned: Uhm...see above.