Wednesday, January 04, 2006
What is WRONG with me?
Time for a rehash... If you haven't read this, you might want to so you can keep up. For those of you (my sweet sisters) who are so tired of this they want to rip their eyes out to keep from reading yet another entry about the rat bastard...well, stop reading.

Ean, the rat-bastards name is Ean, and since I first saw him in the 7th grade I was crazy about him. Really crazy, like not in the good warm fuzzies cherubs crazy, like we would break up and one of us would eventually go running back to the other "because we loved each other" when really it was because he was safe, and we were never good for each other. I was always trying to make him something he could never be and he always wanted me to be someone I wasn't.

It's been over a year! It all hit the fan in August of 2004, they got married in October 2004, she had her baby (not his) in March 2005. And up until about 20 minutes ago I was absolutely fine. Then my friend Crys gave me the link to her Christmas pictures. Hi Crys, 15 out of 17 were great. However lucky number 13 and 14, SUCKED ROTTEN DONKEY ASS! There I was cruising along checking out pictures of her fam and BOOM out of nowhere I am face to face with the rat bastard himself. And not just the rat bastard. The whole rat bastard family. Evil hoe beast and the poor unfortunate child that gets to call her mommy were there too. Then I got sad. Not debiltating stay in bed for a week sad, but there were tears.

I mean it's bad enough I saw them on Christmas Eve in all their domestic holiday bliss, just throw in the family Christmas pic for fun. I swear it's not that I want to be the girl on his arm holding the baby. I don't want that with him. I just want it, and it's not fair that they have it and I don't. And it's also not fair that it still matters. He hurt my feelings, more than that he broke my heart and didn't even have the decency to let me in on it, so why do I still care anything about him? AT ALL? Tell me oh great cosmic void!! Ya know what Mr. Void, never mind, I know why, it's because we're all just ants under a magnifying glass to you and you like to make us feel like we're safe and healthy one minute then put the heat back on to hear us scream. Sicko.

Today's thing I learned: Oh I wish I would have learned something from this little episode... Any thoughts?


Blogger Daina said...

I'm so sorry Katy! I really did forget that those pictures were in there! I love you hon!

Blogger Katiemagic said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. I'm just sad that you're sad. Hang in there girl.

Blogger Stine said...

I'm sorry this happened K. Possible things to learn, honey, as much as it sucks to hear, you're young, and you know, I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. You now get to explore the world and get ready for your prince charming to show up. This chick, gets to fold laundry, clean up baby vomit, and get hooked on Days of Our Lives, at way TOO young an age.

Your manly man is out there cooking somewhere. He's coming for you K.

Blogger patrice said...

I think I understand where you're coming from. how come he gets to move on and be fine and have a family and a baby and a marriage and you don't? it's all unresolved feelings. the trouble is, as I'm sure mandy would probably say, you have to learn to move on. it's so hard.

I'm still harboring awful feelings for a certain guy who hurt me when I was younger, too. in fact, I'd say much of the bad decisions I've made with men in my life have to do with how that one guy and I interacted. even now, 15 years later, when I hear about him, I get upset. sometimes it never goes away. but it does dull and if you can let go of most of it, you may be better off.

and as for what to learn, maybe the lesson will come later when their little happy family unit isn't so happy and yours is.

Blogger Jazz said...

Think of what you can do, not having a family, and they can not. There is still enough time for you to get your own family and now you can use your time to have some fun without thinking about babysitters and stuff!!

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