Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I. Am. Not. A. Fish.

They say there are other fish in the sea. Irina Dunn said "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". I am not a fish. What is with all the fish talk people?? Do you know what happens to fish when they get caught? THEY DIE! They are gutted, thrown on a bed of crushed ice, and displayed until some one decides to eat them, digest them, and ultimately all fish get flushed! Why? Why? WHY?? Does everyone think it best to compare single women to fish?

Aside from the obvious issue of fish dying, ending up either someone's pet or someone's dinner, they're not the best looking creature in the world. True some of them are beautiful. But it is my experience that fish are not overly attractive. They're scaly, bug-eyed, and COLD. Do people really think it wise to compare a woman who, at least in my case, has fairly low self-esteem when it comes to men anyway, to these?:

Sunday night a friend of my parents came to our house. He's my friend too. In fact he's in my cell phone as an emergency contact. He has always been one of my very favorite people. However he apparently lost the ability to shut up. For some reason it's important to him that I find myself a husband. As it's important for most older people in my church for the young people to get hitched. Never mind that I'm 23, just back to college, and can barely handle myself, I should pull some poor man into the mess with me. It's purely societal I know. Some places tell girls to wait, some places marry them off young. My place happens to be the latter. I have comes to terms with that fact mostly. I realize that I always have to face the majority of people in my life and tell them why I'm 23 and unwed. They don't understand that it's a choice. I get the feeling that they think there is something wrong with me. I work hard to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with me. When I'm ready, when I'm healed, when I'm stable again, I will find someone wonderful. Until then, focus on getting ready, getting healed, and finding stability.

Then all the fish talk happens. It's not enough that I had my heart fairly broken. There are other FISH in the sea after all. So am I the fish? Or the fisherman? Are we all fish? What the hell are you talking about? Somehow Sunday's analogy wound around to me being the fish, and the poor boys out there being the fisherman. If the fisherman walks by a pond and there doesn't appear to be any fish he's not going to cast the line. Ah HAH! So there is something wrong with me, I'm not putting myself out there enough! Because I don't find it necessary to go to the extracurricular church activities. They do nothing for my spirituality and if I go for the soul fact of getting myself in the pond and being social I end up belly up in the background. Pleasant.

So by the time "Mr. I dont know when enough is enough" was finished I was crying and lucky him, he could just get in the car and leave.

So let's see here, we've been compared to cows and fish, what other unflattering animals can we think of to boost women's egos? Spiders? Hairless cats? Hyenas?


AMEN Sister! BTW what if the fisherman that wanted to treasure you and place you in a special tank to just be pretty came by after that hungry fisherman had already caught you? It would be sad - so ignore them all and wait for Mr RIGHT! He's out there and it won't matter if your 13 or 30 you will know when you meet him!

I always hated the "More fish in the sea" saying - thanks for putting it to words so nicely!

Blogger lonna said...

I find fish quite disgusting too. It seems that all of your different analogies of women and fish seem to put us in a very passive position. While that may be true in the minds of some religions and some other generations, I can tell you that that's not how I see things and it doesn't sound like that is how you see things.

I totally agree that you will have a better marriage if you take care of yourself before you share yourself. I didn't date for almost 7 years before I met Ethan (please don't let that scare you) because I had so much "me" stuff to do.

On a sidenote, fish is a word commonly used by the gay community to refer to women, particularly straight women, and it is not meant to be flattering. Also bitch is used to compare us to dogs. So sad.

Blogger Stine said...

Katy, just know that the rest of the world considers 23 to be WAY, WAY young to get married. Tell "whoever" that you are figuring out your life, your wants, needs and desires instead never knowing, and passing on those neuroses to the next generation like most of the good "churchfolk" who get married at the wee young age of 20, 21, 22 or 23. I got married at 26, and I still think that was too young.

Can you tell I have some issues with this?

Stand your ground, know that you are a fierce, and fantastic woman, and that many of these other married righteous "young-uns" will statisically, be 40 and on a LOT of Prozac.

Blogger Missuz J said...

Ok. Fuck that guy. Fuck whoever else gives you shit. Bunch of assholes!

Movie tomorrow?

Blogger patrice said...

"take your fish and shove it up your ass" comes to mind but we're talking about a church person so I don't think that's appropriate.

I have already told you my opinion about getting married at 23. you're just fine. and people are always hot to make analogies for stuff like this, like fish and whatnot. I should talk, I love making analogies, but not at the expense of the person I'm talking to.

anyway. consider us ladies your personal support group. fish up ass, indeed.

Blogger Jazz said...

I never thought about these sayings that way, but actually you're right. We should be compared to something nicer, but, you know, some poets have compared women to cats and that's a little better, isn't it?!^^

Blogger rob said...

But I like fish.

Try substitution, hon. The next time someone uses a fish analogy, replace it with something sweet: "There are plenty of other watermellon flavored Jelly Belly brand jelly beans in the bag of Jelly Belly brand jelly beans" or "A woman needs a man like a...nun...needs a punch in the face".

Sorry...I ran out of steam there.

At any rate, I read this yesterday and thought of your post.

Blogger NME said...

I read this the day you posted and it made me laugh and laugh - but haven't gotten around to commenting til now. The same afternoon I read it I heard a radio commercial for this website: http://www.plentyoffish.com. It cracked me up. I think you should send them a link to your posting.

Blogger ~A~ said...

Just try a blank catatonic stare technique. Or screaming and running in circles.

It's not going to matter I find rude people are going to give advice no matter what. I did marry and started my family young, 23 when Button was born, and I got criticized for that. A memory of one of my parents obnoxious neighbors actually made a comment when I was pregnant with Pixie (#3) that I should not have any more kids.

Blogger Peter said...

Advise: "Fools won't heed it and Wisemen don't need it" Twenty-three, you my friend are just getting started. Maybe the church you are in isn't right for you. Outside of Utah people aren't getting married until they are thirty. It make me feel sad, reading how sad you are.

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