Saturday, April 30, 2005
I've created a monster...
Well, I'm in the process of creating a monster... It's my nephew's birthday tomorrow and he's really into Star Wars, so I being the oh so cool auntie that I am said I would make the coolest cake ever. This after taking ONE wilton cake class months ago... I think, Darth Vader would be very cool. Then I got thinking, riiiiiiiiiight as if. So then I think Jabba the Hut. He's just a big slug, how hard could it be? Apparently...Hard. And I haven't even started frosting it yet. Heaven help me. But it's ok, it'll be fine, it's a big blob, not to difficult. I sculpted it today with the help of my of so artistic daddy and tomorrow after a quick trip to the grocery store I'll finish icing it and everything will be fine. Right? Right. :P I'll have to figure out how to post pictures so everyone can bow at my brilliance. I like bowing. Anyhoo!

I have nothing exciting to report today. Boss is driving me crazy, what's new? Got my application in to go back to school today!! YAY!! I'm very excited about that, I have all sorts of very irrational fears about returning to school. I dropped out of college about 2 and a half years ago after suffering a minor nervous breakdown. It's what I get for majoring in theatre, when you're around that much drama that much of the time you're bound to have a meltdown and BOY did I have a doozy! So anyway scared of a replay, but this time I'm playing it safe and majoring in business where all the sane people are :). My second totally irrational fear about school is really totally irrational! I'm scared that I'm going to walk into my first class and the only seat in the whole room is gonna be next to my ex or his current wife. That would suck and one of us would end up crying, probably him cuz I'm mean like that. What can I say? I'm nuts, I also have a terrible fear of moths. Go figure.

I'm going to start something new for my blog, here's today's point to ponder:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" Have a wonderful day!!

Thursday, April 28, 2005
Rainy days and Wednesdays
Hey guess what! They're not gettin me down! I like rainy days as I think I mentioned and I figured out why I've been so grumpy lately. Needless to say I can medicate it away and in about a week all will be well again (wink wink). So, anyway, today didn't suck, but just a note, when your brain says HEY grab your pain killers, do it! Anyway, today didn't suck, I am however royally pissed at someone I work with. The business venture I mentioned before didn't just go away, no no, it was manipulated away. She says to me "The owner of the company wants to keep this kind of exclusive so she doesn't want a ton of people involved." So I think ok I guess that makes sense, but I'm thinking to myself, I studied acting for 6 years, I can spot an amature lying to me. So I give her the benefit of the doubt and think, hey she could be on the up and up stop being paranoid. Well I wasn't being paranoid. Come to find out, she just doesn't want someone like me as competition (which I wouldn't have been, I was going to help her). In the three days that we were talking about signing up together I came up with a lot of good ideas, A LOT, and guess what, she's using them all, and everyday it's "what do you think of this Katy?" "What should I do about that Katy??" So now I'm her business advisor but I'm not getting anything out of it. The crappy thing is, I still have to work with her so it's not worth my flying off the handle and making an already uncomfortable situation even worse. But I mean honestly, do I look stupid??? Apparently I do.

FUNNY STORY!! K there's this guy that I've known forever and he just got home from his mission and he's still as cute as ever, and he's coaching T's daughters soccer team so I see him every once in awhile, not to mention he's in my ward, and works at one of my fave food places, ANYWAY, I said I thought he was cute, so T's daughter tells him that I have a crush on him and that I think he's hot, this was last Wednesday. I didn't know she's said anything so when I saw him at the singles thing Monday I decided to set him up with one of my friends from work. I told him about very cute girl and he just kind of stared at me like I was crazy but agreed, and then today I find out that he knows I like him and he probably thinks I am crazy. So now I don't know what to do. I hate dating.

Monday, April 25, 2005
Rainy Days and Mondays...
Sometimes ya just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Today was one of those days. I was just plain pissy right from the start. Which for everyone around me is a good day. I'm usually a much nicer person when I'm feeling bitchy, I over compensate. But in my head, well in my head I'm cursing the useless maggots in my life!! Did I say useless maggots?? I meant....uhm....yeah I meant useless maggots. Especially the useless maggots in positions of authority over me. But I just sit in my hole in the world and smile and think to myself, "Oh you may laugh now, but soon, soon there will be a great plague upon the land, I'm the plague, you're the land!!!! (I stole that last bit from my big sis, the fabulous missuzj. She's so smart.) Anyway, today was a gloomy day and it had nothing to do with the weather, usually I like cloudy dreary blah, but today it fit my mood juuuuuuust right. Not only did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, (I think the real problem is simply that I woke up) but I got to work and found out that the business venture I was so excited about like three days ago is gone away. Grrrrr.

So after a long day of internal dialogue, snapping things like "No shit Sherlock" and "Are you still talking?" and "Shut up Shut up SHUT UP!!!!" I went to an always stimulating Singles Activity for my ward. So fun. Really. No, not really. Those things are just big nightmares. "Look who's got hardware" as this weeks new 5'2" blonde skinny affianced, flashes her new multi carrat rock in everyobdy's face. While everyone else tries to weasel out whether or not you're seeing anyone since the tragic missionary episode, and all you want to do is eat your free dinner, talk to some friends and move on with your freaking life!!!! It really wasn't that bad. I'm just in a pissy mood, I think I mentioned that already.


Saturday, April 23, 2005
Just a Phase
I feel much much better since yesterday! Yup, all is well in the land of Katy again. In fact I had a really good day. My friends and I are kind of getting into a business venture and I'm really really excited. Hopefully it will turn into something to give me a little somethin extra. I could see it being huge though. I guess we'll find out soon.

I went to A Lot Like Love today. It was cute. Not great, but cute. I went with T and her daughter, who's ten and she (the daughter) kept asking questions through it, "Who's that guy in the picture??" "Is that the same girl?" "Who's house is that?" Patience child, all will be revealed!!!! I love kids. She cracks me up, when she's not driving me crazy. T's got three kids and they're all lots of fun, I'm like Aunt Katy. As if I didn't have enough nieces and nephews to shop for :). Oh well, I'm generous! And they're all so cute!! (see the fabulous missuzj blog's for a pic of my Sophie.) missuzj is my big sis and Sophie is her daughter. Ain't family great? I just love em. OK, must sleep now, all the good cartoons are over.... Hey, I'm in touch with my inner child what can I say??

Thursday, April 21, 2005
Eureka! Something to write about.
I'm mad at myself right now. I am in the midst of a breakdown, after who knows how many weeks of breakdownlessness. Ya see, there's this guy, well there was this guy, who I was all 32 flavors of freaking crazy about!!! I met him in 8th grade, he moved to my little town from Vegas over Christmas break and the first time I saw him I thought, "Yup, there's a Santa, and apparently I've been good." I was in 14 year old love. We dated off and on for the next five years, I wrote him while he was on his mission, true we had broken up brutally prior to his mission and he had found solace in the arms of MY BEST FRIEND!!!! But that's beside the point. I was still in love, he was the one, my wild oats were sown and I was ready to settle down and make a life together! But he didn't like the idea of his 18 going on 19 girlfriend in Tijuana on spring break sowing said oats. He knew I was going to Mexico!! What else are you supposed to do in Mexico??? It's not like I had sex or anything! Just got a little smashed and made out with some guy named Bill (I think it was Bill...?) Anyway!!! I digress. He dumped me (on my birthday I might add) and hooked up with evil hoe beast from hell (my EX best friend) and left on his mission. After I got over the being bitter I finally broke down and wrote him at the urging of my coworker, thank you very little!!! I was looking for closure! I sent "Dear Jerkface, Hope you have a nice life, it was fun while it lasted, good luck to ya! sincerely, The Best Thing That Never Happened To You!!" And got back "Dear Katy, I was so excited to get your letter, blah blah blah" and got feeling all freaking warm and fuzzy again. Bastard. So I kept writing, and sending care packages, and it was all "love you babe, can't wait to see you, miss you, blah blah blah" from both sides I might add, and I thought that evil hoe beast was out of the picture!!

So when he came home in August of last year I was so excited I couldn't handle myself! He was going to be at our mutual friends wedding open house thingy and I was too and we were gonna see eachother across the room and it was gonna be angels singing and stars shining and violins playing and we were gonna run into eachothers arms and all would be well in the world. Didn't go that way, we were at the same shin dig, and I did indeed see him across the room, but the angels turned to Harpies when I saw him holding E.H.B's hand so he came in one door and I went out the back door (yeah yeah chicken shit I know) I had the freaking five year plan!!! And him holding her hand was NOT the plan... AT ALL!!! But I was strong I went back, I said hi, I smiled at him through the crazy haze that seemed to have descended upon me, and the ASSHOLE hugged me!!! And he smelled so good, and looked so good, and FELT so good... And then thankfully, they left. And I went on my first date with this guy like an hour later (Crazy yes but another story entirely).

Next thing I know (literally), they're engaged and she's 4 months pregnant with someobdy else's baby. Can you say white knight syndrome???? I CAN!!!! So anyway, to the reason I'm mad at myself, I hadn't cried about the whole thing in a very long time. Having cried as much as I could over the PUNK in the 6 or so months following this whole fiasco. But tonight, I cried again, not a lot mind you, but too much. Our mutual friend at whom's wedding thingy we met, sent me a picture of the E.H.B's baby. The little shit was supposed to be ugly, but he's not. He's really cute, and it's not fair because I want one! And he's really happy. Which just pisses me off more because I'm just bitchy like that.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005
A first time for everything.
I am a first time blogger, I have read many blogs and they have always interested me. Getting to dive into someone semi personal life with their permission and everything, I'm sick what can I say? My sister the divine missuzJ just started blogging and seeing as I'm the baby sister, I must therefore follow in her every footstep. I had all sorts of fun clever interesting things to say but they all seem to have left me, I'm tired and I put my wit to bed already, or maybe it didn't wake up with the rest of me, who knows.

So I will just talk about the one thing that ALWAYS seems to be on my mind lately. Dating. It's an ugly subject I know but I am 22 years old and desperately single. Not just quasi single, oh no, I don't even have a crush, nor does anyone crush me. I realize that "I'm only 22" and "these are the glory years" whatever. I'm 22 and live in smallish town UTAH!! You know how a 3 year old dog is really 21 in dog years, well in Utah, a 22 year old single girl, equals out to SPINSTER!!! It's not even so much the singleness that's so bad. I miss kissing. It's been over a year since I kissed somebody. That's a long time for a girl like me, but we won't get into my "slightly loose" background. Really I wasn't even close to loose, but I like kissing and found lots of oppurtunities to do so. There's one boy in particular I miss kissing, but I think now, kissing him would be like kissing...I don't know, something really bad. Yeah I could talk about dating a lot. I have a feeling I will. Single girl in Utah, yeah good luck with that.