Even if I am a little pissed.
I'm using one of the libraries laptops because as I've mentioned it's thisclose to the end of the semester and there are no computer computer's to be had. It's kind of fun. I'm sitting facing the ginormous window looking at a beautiful grey sky through the bones of leafless trees. If I could just stay right here for the rest of the day I would be happy. Anywho, I was about halfway through my opening paragraph for this here blog and on a serious roll when the internet shut down. Bastards. So I'll start over.
Every once in awhile I put aside my self involved bitch tendancies and realize that I have a good life. I find myself thinking all too often that my life is like a spin off the Truman Show, and that everyone's goal in life is to get a reaction out of me, which in turn would get a reaction out of my loyal (if somewhat twisted) audience. However, I know this is not the case. I am but a small fish in a big pond. And quite frankly very few people actually give a shit about the life and times of Katy. Last night though, I was reading myself to sleep, thinking of the hooahillion things I have to do before the end of the semester (two weeks from today it will all be over) and generally griping to myself. Then a thought struck me. In the book I was reading the two main characters were discussing the death of parents and how hard it was to deal with as an only child, and I thought, what would I do without my mom and dad? How would I handle that? Then it hit me, I would turn to my sisters, like I always do.
Becky and Mandy are about the bestest sisters a girl could ask for. I've spent most of my life feeling like an only child. As I've mentioned my sisters and brother are all quite a bit older than me so most of my memories, revolve around my mom, and some other people who just kind of came and went. In truth I was always a little bit bitter. I felt like an outsider looking in. Most nights as we all sat around the dinner table, there would be discussion about High School, boys, girls, grades, the world at large that my elementary school mind had no idea how to handle. There would be long loooooong stretches whereI would say nothing at all, I had nothing of consequence to add. I knew my family loved me, but no one really knew how to deal with me. I couldn't share clothes, I couldn't talk girl talk, boys were (still are) yucky. I don't blame them for a moment about the way I felt in my formative years. I didn't know how to talk to them, and they didn't know how to talk to me. But I knew they loved me. Especially my sisters.
When I was growing up all I wanted was to be able to talk to my sisters the way they talked to each other. I wanted to have the same experiences they did, know the same people they did, do the same things they did. I wanted something in common. I still wish that I had a little girl to play with Madeline and Sophie, or a boy to play with Zach. I'm still this strange little enigma in my family but I've found that it's a good thing. It pushes me to succeed, it gives me something to aspire to.
My sisters have always been there for me when I needed them. When Jon was being mean (as big brothers are) they tied him up and stuck him on the porch, or took me with them so I wouldn't have to stay and be tortured. They made time for me when I wanted to play with them. Mandy was always there with her brain and her no nonsense attitude, ready to lay down the law if needed, or just help with homework. She taught me how to write the number five, and gave me my first lesson on Romeo and Juliet in the room we shared in Carmel.
Becky was always there to play pretend with me, to do my make up, to come up with funny songs, she even dressed me up as a greek goddess when I was like 10 and followed me around with our camcorder. Even the day she married Erik, when I couldn't stop crying and just wanted to stay in bed and forget about the whole thing, she curled my hair, and did my make up, and assured me that she was still my sister no matter what.
When I started my period for the first time EVER at girls camp in a porta potty, with no friends in sight and my parents out of town, I hitched a ride home and called in the troops. In tears I told them what happened and they were both on my doorstep in minutes with boxes of pads and bottles of Midol. Then they sat on my bed with me and let me cry. Whenever I had a question about girl stuff they were there, no questions asked. Mandy gave me my first tampon. Who better to go through that kind of rite of passage with than your heroes? The women you've looked up to your entire life.
So even though I know Thanksgiving has come and gone I want to say I'm thankful for you, my sisters. You are my best friends, and my heroes. And now I'm bawling in the school library so I'm gonna go.
Today's thing I learned: For all our craziness, my family pretty much rocks.
I'm using one of the libraries laptops because as I've mentioned it's thisclose to the end of the semester and there are no computer computer's to be had. It's kind of fun. I'm sitting facing the ginormous window looking at a beautiful grey sky through the bones of leafless trees. If I could just stay right here for the rest of the day I would be happy. Anywho, I was about halfway through my opening paragraph for this here blog and on a serious roll when the internet shut down. Bastards. So I'll start over.
Every once in awhile I put aside my self involved bitch tendancies and realize that I have a good life. I find myself thinking all too often that my life is like a spin off the Truman Show, and that everyone's goal in life is to get a reaction out of me, which in turn would get a reaction out of my loyal (if somewhat twisted) audience. However, I know this is not the case. I am but a small fish in a big pond. And quite frankly very few people actually give a shit about the life and times of Katy. Last night though, I was reading myself to sleep, thinking of the hooahillion things I have to do before the end of the semester (two weeks from today it will all be over) and generally griping to myself. Then a thought struck me. In the book I was reading the two main characters were discussing the death of parents and how hard it was to deal with as an only child, and I thought, what would I do without my mom and dad? How would I handle that? Then it hit me, I would turn to my sisters, like I always do.
Becky and Mandy are about the bestest sisters a girl could ask for. I've spent most of my life feeling like an only child. As I've mentioned my sisters and brother are all quite a bit older than me so most of my memories, revolve around my mom, and some other people who just kind of came and went. In truth I was always a little bit bitter. I felt like an outsider looking in. Most nights as we all sat around the dinner table, there would be discussion about High School, boys, girls, grades, the world at large that my elementary school mind had no idea how to handle. There would be long loooooong stretches whereI would say nothing at all, I had nothing of consequence to add. I knew my family loved me, but no one really knew how to deal with me. I couldn't share clothes, I couldn't talk girl talk, boys were (still are) yucky. I don't blame them for a moment about the way I felt in my formative years. I didn't know how to talk to them, and they didn't know how to talk to me. But I knew they loved me. Especially my sisters.
When I was growing up all I wanted was to be able to talk to my sisters the way they talked to each other. I wanted to have the same experiences they did, know the same people they did, do the same things they did. I wanted something in common. I still wish that I had a little girl to play with Madeline and Sophie, or a boy to play with Zach. I'm still this strange little enigma in my family but I've found that it's a good thing. It pushes me to succeed, it gives me something to aspire to.
My sisters have always been there for me when I needed them. When Jon was being mean (as big brothers are) they tied him up and stuck him on the porch, or took me with them so I wouldn't have to stay and be tortured. They made time for me when I wanted to play with them. Mandy was always there with her brain and her no nonsense attitude, ready to lay down the law if needed, or just help with homework. She taught me how to write the number five, and gave me my first lesson on Romeo and Juliet in the room we shared in Carmel.
Becky was always there to play pretend with me, to do my make up, to come up with funny songs, she even dressed me up as a greek goddess when I was like 10 and followed me around with our camcorder. Even the day she married Erik, when I couldn't stop crying and just wanted to stay in bed and forget about the whole thing, she curled my hair, and did my make up, and assured me that she was still my sister no matter what.
When I started my period for the first time EVER at girls camp in a porta potty, with no friends in sight and my parents out of town, I hitched a ride home and called in the troops. In tears I told them what happened and they were both on my doorstep in minutes with boxes of pads and bottles of Midol. Then they sat on my bed with me and let me cry. Whenever I had a question about girl stuff they were there, no questions asked. Mandy gave me my first tampon. Who better to go through that kind of rite of passage with than your heroes? The women you've looked up to your entire life.
So even though I know Thanksgiving has come and gone I want to say I'm thankful for you, my sisters. You are my best friends, and my heroes. And now I'm bawling in the school library so I'm gonna go.
Today's thing I learned: For all our craziness, my family pretty much rocks.
6 Comments:
I truly cried at the end of this. You are all very lucky to have each other.
What a sweet entry. You three are very lucky to have each other.
Hey best buddy!
Thanks for the sweet words. I remember when Mandy and I gave you a bath for the first time--your first day of school--your first formal dance. It's been so cool to be your big sister. Love you.
How wonderful to have such a bond. I always wanted sisters.
Shoot, now I'm bawling too. In a good way, of course. I love you tons, sweetheart, and am so honored to be your biggest sis. It's been just fabulous to finally get to be grownups together, and be past all that generation gap bullshit, or whatever it was. Becky's comment about that first bath made me smile. As challenging as our age gap sometimes was, I'm grateful I got to do that kind of stuff with (or to) you too.
that was so sweet, katy. you three are darling.
my sister (the one I am close to) is much older than me, too, and it took a looooong time before we were able to be friends. but now that we are, it's wonderful. I used to feel bitter, too, and like an only child (only my parents were already tired of raising kids, I felt) and it takes alot sometimes to put that aside. so glad that you three are buddies now.
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