This is my first official multi blog day. Maybe, because it is now officialy midnight and therefore tomorrow. However! It is my first multi blog 24 hours, so I'm counting it. I went back to hell (the bank) today for my joke of an exit interview. Why are you leaving? they ask me. "Because you f***ing asked me too dumb ass" Do you feel you've been treated fairly at out institution? they ask me "No I feel more like I've taken it up the ass" Is there anything we could have done to make you stay? they ask me. "Yeah dumbass, not f***ing forced me to quit" Though I didn't use such colorful language I was thinking it the whole time. I did however write a letter to the two big men at the bank and attach a copy to my "voluntary termination" (my ass) paper. Then I went and said goodbye to my friends there. They were in shock at the fact that first I was no longer employed, and second, that I was unemployed for the reason I was. I think the shock is wearing off and the greater than thou thoughts are going away and no I'm left with the fact that I don't have a job to go to tomorrow, or Monday, or any day, and I am quite frankly scared. Luckily I still live with mom and dad so rent's covered, food's covered, I still have a place to sleep at night none of that is really the problem. I have some serious social anxiety issues. Whenever someone that I don't really know talks to me all I can hear is "blah blah blah I don't like you." So when I have an interview for a job where someone has to like me, I have a hard time not covering my ears with my hands, curling into the fetal position and moaning, "please like me please like me please like me" til they can stand it no longer and call the nice men in the white coats. So with the new job hunt, I have to go be fabulous to people that I start out convinced hate me. Then, if I do end up with the job, I have to meet and get to know other people who also, I am convinced, hate me. This eventually wears away but for the first couple weeks life sucks, and I am so not in the mood for more sucking.
I am also really deeply hurt. I tried to make the best out of a shitty situation and I get the shaft for it. And not because I was doing anything wrong, because someone didn't like me. Which really helps a lot with the whole social anxiety problem. My self esteem is shot. I was good at that job, I was DAMN good at that job, and none of it mattered. Shit, I feel another nervous breakdown coming on. I just took one of my sleeping pills so maybe I could just rest and notice one of them is gone, one that I don't remember taking. I'm telling myself that my mom snaked one while I was gone, but it makes me wonder. OOOOH shit.
I am also really deeply hurt. I tried to make the best out of a shitty situation and I get the shaft for it. And not because I was doing anything wrong, because someone didn't like me. Which really helps a lot with the whole social anxiety problem. My self esteem is shot. I was good at that job, I was DAMN good at that job, and none of it mattered. Shit, I feel another nervous breakdown coming on. I just took one of my sleeping pills so maybe I could just rest and notice one of them is gone, one that I don't remember taking. I'm telling myself that my mom snaked one while I was gone, but it makes me wonder. OOOOH shit.
2 Comments:
Finding a job and starting a new job suck. But try and keep in mind that once you get past those stages you will be in a much better situation. Your boss was obviously the problem and it is unfortunate that you were a victim of her faults - but now you can take the upper hand and end up better off than you were. It's just going to take a little work. You can do it.
Buck up little camper! Fuck it. Be sad and sorry for a day or two, then we'll put together a killer resume for you, the conquer the world.
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