Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I Bitch therefore I am...
Maybe I should rename my blog...

Yesterday basically sucked. I'm not going to get in to the minor point, the whos and whys. Mostly it was because of me and because I had decided it was going to. It not as though I woke up that morning and thought to myself, "Well Katy, you've been happy too long. It's time for a bad day." But I did wake up with the realization that it was time to say goodbye to my infatuation with Handsome Rob. For now. Which cast a big black cloud over the rest of my day. Here is my rationale, Handsome Rob does not know what he wants. I am not in the mood to invest my heart and feelings in a person that will probably just kick my ass like everybody else. Plus, I am finding myself in the same old situation. That of being the strong, independant, woman in a love triangle with a guy that I like and a very weak minded, needy girl. Both of the times this has happened, I ended up still alone and the other two people ended up married. I realized that after seeing Ean yesterday. He was on his bike, I was in my car, and I got this overwhelming urge to run him over. Alas, I didn't run him over. OOOOH how I wanted to. Luckily my unfortunate interlude triggered a memory in my brain. I remembered what it felt like to be chosen over and I decided I didn't want to experience that feeling anymore. I decided that in order to not experience that feeling anymore I shouldn't dream of pursuing a relationship with someone who may or may not be interested in someone else. It's all or nothing folks. This is the new and improved Katy. She might be a little bitter, she might not make you cookies just because you're having a bad day, she probably won't even leave you cute little notes on your truck to tell you to have a nice day. Katy is from now on looking out for numero uno in that big bad dating battle. And when/if someone is ready to give me their all, we'll re-evaluate the cookie situation. I will no longer allow men to have their cake and eat it to. I'm too special. I need a lot of love and attention and when some nice boy decides he wants a relationship with me, there won't be any doubt that I'm the only one he's interested in. I'm worth it. I'm not going to try and buy some idiots affection with homemade goodies and little love notes. I should be enough. I'm not going to fight for someone's affections anymore. Let them fight for me. They might see a bitter man hater, I see safe. Go ahead, boys just try and change my mind.


8 Comments:

Blogger lonna said...

I went through so much of what you are going through. You are lucky that you realize that you deserve the best, and it seems like Rob just isn't it. Good for you.

I didn't become a bitter man hater. I just really stopped looking. It was easier to me to enjoy the company of men in a platonic sense than to turn into a man hater. Most of my best friends are men, and very few of them (even the straight ones) would I consider dateable. I am much more choosy when it comes to a romantic partner. I think it's just too important. Good luck finding Mr. Right. You deserve him. Any idiot who chooses weak over strong deserves the life of hell they choose.

Blogger Katy said...

Calling myself a man hater may have been a bit strong, but in this state it seems that if you aren't actively engaged in finding marriagement you're a man hater.

Blogger Katiemagic said...

Yay Katy! You are totally worth more than he's giving you right now. I can't wait for you to meet someone who is willing to give their all. I'm so proud of you for valuing yourself!!!!!

Blogger Jazz said...

Again this strange person who is reading your blog...
I was really amazed by your strength and I SO felt with you...I've never been through that but I had some not so nice experiences, too.
I think you did the right thing. I mean, I probably would have asked him straight away but if he is still interested in you, he'll be running after you and if not, he's not worth it anyway. We don't need men to be happy, do we?!

Blogger Katy said...

K i'm not going to comment to comments anymore this blog I promise but Jazz, I'm glad you read my blog. I wish I could return the favor, alas my German is a little rusty. Thanks for your advice.

Blogger NME said...

AMEN SISTAH! That was one brilliant post and I commend you for your decision and your communication of it.

And I love this line because it is TOTALLY true of most bad days: "Mostly it was because of me and because I had decided it was going to."

Blogger patrice said...

good for you! though I think that you should tell rob why. maybe it'll make him think twice before he goes out with whats her face again.

you must feel fabulous now. I love empowering decisions!!

Blogger Missuz J said...

Amen! Rob may be a nice guy, but if he doesn't see the prize sitting right in front of him, well then, he deserves to loose it. Does this meen that we can hang out this weekend?

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