I want to be alone...

And that's ok.

I'm in a bit of a creative rut I think. I can't even think of good things to comment about on other peoples blogs. I read, I laugh, I agree with what they're saying, but I get to that little comment window and the walls go up. I can't blog, I can't work on my book. It seems all I can do is scribble bitter musings in the margins of my notebook. I've been feeling the urge to escape lately. I want to get out of Utah and go live somewhere that doesn't put so much social emphasis on your marital status. I want to go somewhere where I'm not Ray and Diane's daughter, or Becky and Mandy and Jon's sister. I want to go somewhere where I can simply be. I feel the need to be unchecked on. Unwatched over. Undone. I want to go sit on a beach with the waves kissing my toes, an iced tea at my side, and an insanely large straw hat on my head. I don't want to be watched over, I don't want to be responsible for anyone, I just want to be Katy on the beach. Then maybe if I feel so inspired I'll draw, or write, do something that's not for anyone else. I want the oppurtunity to flirt with a man and the independance to not wonder where it might lead. I want the chance to go to a movie alone without sensing, or caring about the looks of pity in people's eyes. I want to close the door on social norms and revel in my singleness, my independance, my aloneness. I should move back to California, or build a cabin in the woods.