Thursday, October 06, 2005
I want to be alone...
And that's ok.

I'm in a bit of a creative rut I think. I can't even think of good things to comment about on other peoples blogs. I read, I laugh, I agree with what they're saying, but I get to that little comment window and the walls go up. I can't blog, I can't work on my book. It seems all I can do is scribble bitter musings in the margins of my notebook. I've been feeling the urge to escape lately. I want to get out of Utah and go live somewhere that doesn't put so much social emphasis on your marital status. I want to go somewhere where I'm not Ray and Diane's daughter, or Becky and Mandy and Jon's sister. I want to go somewhere where I can simply be. I feel the need to be unchecked on. Unwatched over. Undone. I want to go sit on a beach with the waves kissing my toes, an iced tea at my side, and an insanely large straw hat on my head. I don't want to be watched over, I don't want to be responsible for anyone, I just want to be Katy on the beach. Then maybe if I feel so inspired I'll draw, or write, do something that's not for anyone else. I want the oppurtunity to flirt with a man and the independance to not wonder where it might lead. I want the chance to go to a movie alone without sensing, or caring about the looks of pity in people's eyes. I want to close the door on social norms and revel in my singleness, my independance, my aloneness. I should move back to California, or build a cabin in the woods.


8 Comments:

Blogger Diane said...

Come up and visit me. The men still suck, but at least people don't care if you're married or not.

Blogger Katiemagic said...

I've SO been there. I hope you find some of your own space soon. You can come down here too!!

Blogger Missuz J said...

My advice is GO! There may be a time in your life when you don't have the freedom to--but you do now.

Blogger Daina said...

Why do you think I left?

I say do it! It's your right and your freedom as a person to get out there and see what's in the world! Some things may not be for you, but other things will feel like they're made just for you! I left to see a world of mine own, and you know what? I had a blast!

Just make sure you always have enough to visit home when you find you really need to.

Blogger Daina said...

"Mine own"? Scratch that hahaha! >.< You know what I meant...

Blogger Jazz said...

Hi,
I haven't been on your blog for a while...
I know what you mean, sometimes you just need to be alone without anyone annoying you.
Sometimes it helps to just lock yourself in a room, put your favourite music on, drink a hot chocolate and look out of the window for hours. Or take a walk in a lonely forest or park. That'll make you feel a little better maybe. Or if you can afford a trip to the beach, why don't you just go?!
Another advice you haven't asked for from Jazz aka Yasmine^^ ~~~
Greetz from Germany!!

ps.: If you are annoyed by my advices, just let me know...

Blogger NME said...

You need some time away - even a short respite. Do you have a break from school coming up? Maybe go on a trip.

Blogger patrice said...

katy, there are places where it's actually FROWNED UPON to be married any younger than 25. it's called the entire east coast.

I know you're having a tough time - I hope that knowing that the pressure you feel is not going on everywhere makes you feel more sane in not caring about marriage so much. you're not crazy, they are!!

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